Ten Ways to Raise Your Self-Esteem and Disarm the Inner Critic
He blames you for the things that go wrong. He compares you to others and finds you inferior. He sets impossible standards for perfection and then beats you up for the smallest mistake. He highlights all your failures, but never acknowledges your accomplishments. He calls you names - stupid, idiot, ugly, selfish, weak- and convinces you that they are true. This critic is not your father, your brother, or your husband. No, you cannot run away from this critic. The pathological critic is the negative inner voice that lies within you!
As McKay and Fanning (1992) have conceptualized it, the single reason-to-be of this critic is to undermine your self-worth every day of your life. Yet this voice is so insidious that you do not notice its destructive effect. The attacks on the self always seem justified, reasonable and natural. The critic prevents the healthy development of self-esteem.
Self-esteem is essential for psychological survival. One of the main factors differentiating humans from animals is the awareness of the self. Humans have the capacity to define who they are and decide if they like that identity or not. Humans have the capacity for judgment. It is one thing to dislike colors, noises, shapes, or sensations, but when you reject parts of yourself, you greatly damage the psychological structures that literally keep you alive. Judgement and rejection of the self causes enormous pain on the emotional, physical, spiritual and cosmic realms.
To achieve a healthy level of self-esteem, you must first accept who you are and be confident about your decisions and behavior. You must also be able to take responsibility for your life. Actively choosing the values that will guide your life, rather than blindly accepting whatever you are told by your family, friends or the culture you live in is crucial for the development of self-esteem.
Here are ten ways to beat the critic and bolster your self-esteem...
1. You must be able to catch the inner critic
In every conscious moment of your life, you are engaging in an inner monologue. You are interpreting experience, problem solving, speculating about the future, reviewing past events. Usually this self-talk is helpful or harmless. Yet somewhere hidden in this monologue are your critic’s arguments. Catching the critic in the act of putting you down requires special vigilance. Over a span of a week or two, try monitoring your negative and critical self-statements by writing them down. You may be surprised at how frequently your internal monologue turns to self-depreciation. You may also notice that these critical statements trigger your emotions. Use the presence of negative feelings as indicators that you have just had a negative self-thought.
2. Talk back to your critical voice
In fact, it becomes necessary to totally refute any statements made with convincing opposite arguments. For instance: ‘It is not true that I am a loser. I succeeded yesterday and the day before at this task.. Just because I made a mistake, it doesn’t qualify me as a loser. Let me try again. I know I can do this.’ Talking back means rejecting all former negative conditioning. This technique is like playing devil’s advocate. Self-esteem can only improve once the negative messages are halted and replaced with positive self-statements.
3. Start to affirm your own self- worth
Don’t count on others to praise you. Do it yourself, everyday, and often. Affirmations are more than what you find in new age calendars. Remember that the power of the spoken word is incredible. If you can allow your inner critic berate you and make you feel miserable, think about how you might feel if you spoke highly about yourself to yourself! Take the time to come up with affirmations that you feel comfortable saying. Repeat the affirmation several times a day and especially in retaliation to the critic’s statements.
4. Develop a respected alias
Most people have trouble doing good for oneself. So, imagine that you were going out with a very well respected, powerful and good-looking person. You would like to impress that person, and treat them with the highest regard. Pretend that you have such a person in your life (i.e., yourself). Make appointments with this alias. Treat him/her to time alone, indulge in activities that he/she loves to do, and surround him/her with people who value his/her worth.
5. Direct your behavior towards enhancing your self-esteem
In other words, maximize the activities and decisions in your life that will ultimately improve your self-esteem. Limit the activities that you don’t enjoy and the people who you don’t enjoy being with.
6. On a daily basis, find five qualities that you appreciate in yourself
Do the same exercise with your physical environment, and the significant people around you. A person with a good self-esteem is able to recognize goodness all around, since the outer world is a reflection of the inner one.
7. Do not base your self-esteem on the achievement of a particular goal or performance
Avoid the following argument: "I will love myself when..." Conditional acceptance is not part of a true sense of self-esteem. For example learn to love yourself and your body the way it is BEFORE you decide to lose some weight.
8. Learn to spread love around you
Find excuses to compliment others. Practice random acts of kindness. Sharing and giving love is a good way to receive love.
9. Learn to meditate
Meditation quiets the critical mind, feeds the soul and promotes your union with the universe. If you feel connected with a higher power, you will more readily accept your weaknesses without judgment and see your strengths.
10. Reinforce any positive moves that you make
Consider self-praise as a form of psychological nourishment. Learn to forgive yourself of any mistakes that you or others make. Remember, the goal is to uplift your self-esteem.
© Stephane Bensoussan, M.A., Holistic Psychologist
BackNow Available
Mieux vivre avec le cancer
Les solutions naturelles pour atténuer les symptômes
Prix : 29.95 $ CAD
ISBN 13 : 9782761924573